Reflections and Realizations
It's been months since I last wrote a blog post and throughout that time a lot has changed. Though I won't get into every single detail here today, I do want to share a little bit about what I've been going through personally.
Over the past few months, I started to get this feeling like something was off for me- like something needed to change. To be very honest, I also simultaneously found myself feeling less and less inspired by the coaching/personal development industry, things just weren't clicking for me and I was feeling actively frustrated by certain aspects of it all. This led to greater questions about what I wanted my career and future to look like, which obviously brought me stress because I had declared to myself and the world that I was a coach and in some ways I felt trapped in that declaration. I started putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure everything out immediately, but that pressure did nothing more than confuse me. At the same time I continued to work with the amazing clients I have, and new clients that came to me through referral or word of mouth- because actually working with clients is the aspect of coaching I was/am happy with. However, I stopped marketing myself and my services in order to give myself a little bit of space and time to figure things out and make my next move.
I now know that space is crucial in allowing myself to find clarity- but at the time it was incredibly challenging for me to feel validated in taking that space.
I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Every time I went to write a "How To" blog post, or send out a newsletter, something would stop me. I believe that something was/is my intuition. However for a couple months leading up to this point I was convinced that it was my "resistance" to reaching my next level as a coach. I kept mistaking gut feelings for resistance because that's often what you're told in this industry- especially when it comes to business. Any shred of internal "no" is your own resistance to greatness, growth, etc. But when I finally stopped ignoring my intuition and started listening to it- I had no choice but to take the space I had been craving for so long.
And so, here I am. It's been about four months since I started to pull back from it all, and I'm finally in a place where I feel confident enough to share about it.
I've had some pretty HUGE realizations throughout this time. One of the biggest and most exciting realizations I had was that I was seriously dying to return to my art. This is a huge part of myself that I had been keeping quiet for quite some time. Having trained for many years and receiving my BFA in dance, it's has always been a big part of my life. I could spend hours breaking down the reasons behind why I tried to separate my identity from that of a choreographer/dancer but for the sake of this blog post, let's just say it was a fear based decision that I frankly cannot live with anymore. So, I've returned to dancing. Not in the way I had been doing it for a while which was pretty much purely for physical fitness, but as an art form and an artist. I'm making work again, taking classes, and planning on creating a dance film by the end of this year. Opening up this part of myself again feels SO DAMN GOOD. From the moment I acknowledged all of this for myself I already felt like things were starting to fall into place again.
Another realization I've had/change I've made is that I feel much more inspired (as an artist and as a person) when I'm financially stable. For the longest time I bought into the idea that I had to go "all in" to my coaching business in order to be successful and make the money I wanted to make in my life. But this was just another limiting belief that kept me stuck in a cycle. I would feel the gut instinct to seek out a part time job, and then I would tell myself that the desire for a job was just my resistance to going big in my business (whatever that means), and that it was me trying to keep myself small. But FINALLY about a month into all of this I came to a place where I would either have to start hustling in my business or get a job-and I chose to get a job. Holy wow am I glad I did. I started working part time at an incredible boutique that's owned by two awesome women and I truthfully love it. I love the women I work with, the shop, and I love having a consistent paycheck that does not require me to use any sales tactics I don't feel good about (something that I kept coming up against when marketing my services as a coach). At first I felt so much shame around the fact that I went from working for myself full time to working for someone else again, but as soon as my ego chilled out I was so grateful to myself for getting out of my own way. Because this is something I've wanted to do for about a year (for real) but I kept telling myself if I got a part time job that it would make me a fraudulent coach... and honestly, I'm not sure why I thought that because I'm NOT a business coach anyway!
Finally the realization that took the longest to land for me was that I can do it all. I can dance and make art, I can teach yoga, I can coach clients to create lifestyles that support them, I can work at a shop, I can open an online shop (something I am actually working on!!!), and I can do whatever else feels good to me. I don't have to be one thing or one way, I can just be me and that's perfect. I think the reason I needed to take this space is that I was only focused on one aspect of myself and the other parts of me were dying to be seen and heard. As I've been allowing all of these parts of myself to flourish things have truly started to feel right again.
Throughout the past few months I've been having the impulse to share about all of this, but of course I've been afraid. Afraid of what people would think of me and afraid that I'd look less than put together. But today after coming home from the gym, something clicked and I knew it was time to share this with you guys.
Thank you for reading and thank you for being a part of my journey. I do absolutely intend on continuing to share tips and tools on how to create a balanced lifestyle- so if you want more of that, please stick around!
So much love,